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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I hit the streets, right? First stop, Nakagawa Street. It’s like the heart of the city. I’m cruisin’ along, and boom! I see this little ramen shop. I mean, who can resist ramen? Not me! I order the spicy tonkotsu, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m sittin’ there, slurpin’ noodles, and I’m thinkin’, “Life is good.”

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